THINK YOU WANT A MONKEY? SERIOUSLY?

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       "You become responsible forever, for that which you have tamed."

                                     Antione de St. Exupery

I get it. The photos of babies and the videos on social media make them so desirable. So, the next step is you convincing yourself that in spite of the warnings, caring for one of these charming creatures can't be all that complicated. For me, it has been my dream since a young child and the research has been a lifetime. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that I do not love my babies and I can do it, but you cannot. What I am saying is that even with a lifetime of research there is hands on experience. Being hands on is totally different than research. I am also not saying no one should own a primate because if there are breeders, there will be monkeys for sale; like it or not. What I will say as a monkey parent you should be in the right position in life, have the right mind set and knowledge and be financially able to give the proper care. That sounds easy enough, right? Well let’s talk about that. 

Baby Monkeys are so adorable. Pictured in cute little diapers and cuddling up to a cute little stuffed animal or blanket. They are precious for sure. Their features and even the way they do things are so much like us that we can’t help but want one; Especially women who may be feeling the mothering urge. Mothering a child vs. mothering a baby monkey is quite different. Granted a person who does not have children in the home would make a better monkey parent as opposed to one with children. Most monkeys do not like children. There are exceptions. The problem with the exceptions is you will not know if yours is an exception until it may be too late. Here are the facts about parenting a baby monkey. 24/7 care, meaning feeding throughout the day, bottles, changing diapers a lot, and anywhere you go your baby monkey must go also. Keeping in mind that monkeys cannot go just anywhere. In some states they are not allowed in public at all. For the first year or so you are full hands on. After that you have a forever 2-year-old with ADHD on crack. 

That being said:

You have children- you probably shouldn’t get a monkey.

You must work without your monkey by your side - You shouldn’t get a monkey.

You have the mothering urge- not really the right reason to have a pet monkey.

Let’s talk about the life of a monkey.

Are you prepared to put up with this 2-year-old for the next 15 to 30 or more years? I say put up with because when your cute little baby hits anywhere from 2-5 years old, he thinks he is the boss. There is a lot of attitude, mannerisms and reality checks that go along with it. Babies for the most part are sweet and can be handled by more than one human and can even be around children and other animals. The behaviors of these babies are no match to the mature adult troublemaker. You now have a picky, extremely smart and opportunistic; let’s be real, little shit. They are very strong, stubbornly independent and do not like to be scolded or told what to do. Your baby that loved everyone will now only tolerate some and will only like few if you’re lucky. Typically, they will have a favorite and there still is no guarantee what that means. An intact primate can lead to many other issues that are not desirable. Your baby may no longer see you as their human but a possible mate which can cause some serious aggression to you or others that have been care givers. This for 20 to 30 some years can be a showstopper. 

All primates are capable of easily opening cage doors, windows and refrigerators, rip furniture to shreds, and virtually destroy a home in mere minutes. They also are known to destroying houses by breaking dishes, household décor, and pulling things off the walls and emptying cabinets and full canisters making a real fun mess to clean up. Not every part of owning a primate is negative if you are realistic in what you expect. Monkeys are not necessarily the problem, but misinformed and unprepared and uneducated owners are. 

If you are serious about being a primate owner, do your research. And I don’t just mean google “How to take care of a monkey.”

Research:

Speak to owners with years of experience vs. owners with first time babies.

KNOW your state, county and city laws. Don’t trust the internet, make phone calls to confirm information. Better yet - get it in writing. 

Dietary needs, husbandry, and other aspects of care. Avoid scams by getting references from others who have dealt with breeders.

By ignoring these warnings, you subject yourself to heartache and it can be so detrimental for that primate you dedicated yourself to. There are personal and financial burdens and responsibilities for this and still your baby must start a brand-new life with someone else and in hopes that they will not be traumatized by it. Never think someone is going to pay you what you have invested in that primate either. A rehomed primate will fetch little to zero in return. I mean, who wants to pay you for your mistake? I don't...  Not to mention selling a primate requires a federal license.

I've had people argue that in spite of their non-monkey appropriate lifestyle, they were getting one because they "just love monkeys so much". To that I'm compelled to ask...Do you? Really?

You must know the warnings and the seriousness of dedicating your life to a non-human primate. Make this decision carefully. Please don't gloss over the information and advice you've been given. Regardless of how well-intentioned you think you are, making the leap to adopt a primate without seriously weighing the consequences will only end tragically for both of you. Deny it or rationalize it any way you want to. The facts are what they are, and you will not be the exception to the rule.